/ 9:10 PM

It has now become such that I am tired, and am not making a start to talk about this something I really want to talk about. But there you go. I have begun. I was part of the Melbourne Street Arts Project. And I'm going to talk about things far beyond this. 'Cause what I talk about in my blog is with regards to my thoughts. And my feelings. Let me begin with saying that I -loved- the Street Arts Project. I love it so much. I probably will repeat this throughout. Why not? I love it, I love it, I love it. And yet, this is not going to be me raving about how much I loved the festival. You know me. (that is, know-know me?) I wander with my thoughts. Okay, can we get to the point right now?
That is me talking to myself. That's pretty much what I do on my blog. Because this blog is full of things that I am not likely to say in real life. These are the things you keep aside, store somewhere, and they're not seen outwardly, but these are the things which make you the person you are. This is how I speak on my blog too. I get philosophical. I rattle on about things which I'm not sure whether they are useful to think about. I get happy. I get sad. I get exhilarated. I get depressed. I'm not depressed right now. I just need to do some writing. I haven't blogged in such a long time.
So what do I have to say about the Street Arts Project? I'm not sure. Let's see where this goes. It has ended. And that is all? It was just for those two days? Boy, am I going to contradict myself in my blog too. This is my space for freedom of speech. Or is it freedom of thought. I don't even speak much. I suppose I should stop putting myself down for choosing to remain mute sometimes. Coz I'm not so bad at socializing. But there are just times when one simply gets it or one simply doesn't. And I'm such a lazy ass that I don't even try to get it. If I don't get it, I don't get it. I suppose I make life harder for myself too. Too rebellious. Not even rebelling for any cause. Hohoho. Rebel Without A Cause. Did I just come to understand why that movie is titled as such? I must try to watch that. Okay, first comes the self-bashing, then the reconciliation of conflicting elements. Lolz. So that I can carry on. I kinda view my days one day at a time.
Track back. "But this is me being the sort who cannot commit to any long-term job." It's like I can't get to understand things too well. I can't stay put. I'll try to roam off again, roam free. Run away, if that's how you see it. Is that what I want? And to think that I like to see myself as the kind of person who will stick by a closest friend. No questions asked. Just need the feeling of being able to count on the person for a wordless kind of understanding or just empathy. Or just the ability to laugh at stupid things - laugh together. You get it, I get it. I miss my friends. I love my family. I love my friends. But I'm going for something more by coming out here. I have barely learnt enough. That creeps me out too. This is me, this is where I am, no more, no less. And I'll come back to this later.
See what I mean when I say I can't talk about these things in real life? I actually track back. How could I track back in a conversation and not seem abnormal? Haha. You know, I really should learn not to get distracted halfway in a conversation. Something gets stuck in my head, and then I cease to listen to the other person properly, even when the person is worth listening to. But I feel free to track back when I am crapping with my family and friends. :)
So I've established that I'm kinda mute sometimes, or because I believe in trying, I attempt to speak and then turn out sounding like an idiot. That's not so bad. It happens to all of us. But it's how I feel about it that matters to me. I don't like sounding like an idiot. T_T But I try. And is it quite enough to be just trying. Coz what else can I do but try. Can I stop getting ahead of myself all the time already. You know you got a lifetime ahead of you to be trying. Yeah yeah, uh huh.
Okay, saying all this ain't new. What else have I got to say still. I try because I want to be trying anyway. I want to say something to some person. It's either I'm desparate to (get-it-over-and done-with kind of thing), or maybe (more rarely) I desparately desire to. Whoa oh. Desire. I like to see additional meanings in words. Hey, it's cool for artists to use sexual innuendoes in their work right? Lol.
A uni friend said to me almost everything is about sex, and I forgot if she gave me an example, but I first brought up the fact that people say fairytales have sexual connotations. Yeah... What do I know about sex? Nothing. It means nothing to me. Is it taboo? Whatever. Lol. My dear family, if you're reading this, do not be alarmed. Hahaha. I'm just saying. And it's not something that can't be said. Is it great? Well, I'm waiting. See if I can be convinced. See if that happens when the time does come. Haha. Righttttt pardon the nonsense now. Just had to say it. But what else can be said about it? Nope nothing. Moving on.
Hmm I don't know what I am supposed to be talking about. The above bit is relevant? It might just be though I didn't intend to write that. It's subconsciously part of the changes that are taking place with me? Dun go too far with that. XD I am merely growing a mind now. A mind that has to decide on things to say unlike "Squirtle! I choose you!" or "Nazou wa subete toketa! (The mystery is solved!)" Lol. I loved (still do) the Pokemon series and jdrama The Files of Young Kindaichi. Now I watch stuff varying from Grey's Anatomy to the Alien movie series, and I wanna watch Hitchcock's Psycho finally.
Can I seriously get to the point now. Ahaha. I don't care much for giving a playlist of the stuff I like to watch. Hehehhh. Well, I should be learning not to take too long to get down to saying what I want to say. Should I start to say a little something about other ppl now, and risk getting sued for defamation? Haha not funny. When did I start to crack jokes like that? Too formal. What kind of person do I come across as? What I know is it's good to learn humour in life. I've just grown a mind, and I need to be guiding myself.
Sometimes it's like we're all just waiting for the sky to fall. Sorrie. Randomness. Anyone out there who can tell me that growing as a youngster is ever easy? Well, I don't have it too hard. I wasn't born that way. Now everything's okay. And I will make my life the best it can be and all. But why does everything impress upon me that the sky's just waiting to fall? I don't look at everything that way. I could be getting the wrong message. But generally, not everything is fine and dandy. You know, when I blog so vaguely like this, I feel like I could convince the whole world to agree with what I say. Ahahaha.
I am vulnerable. I am scared. So what right. I'm not the only one. I suddenly think I should not just keep talking about all this. Something should be done in the time I have. Whatever means something to me. I ought to try to find some new friends here who know things may be pessimistic, but they're always up on their feet. These are the fun people. Who do what they can with what they get. Anything could be fun. That's why I miss my friends, each with individual self-defining characteristics of their own. It's a little thing, but also a big thing. I don't pinpoint the characteristics, we just talk about crap and laugh. But, at least that doesn't feel like an everyday thing. One day should not be same as another, one thing we do should not be the same as another. Haven't seen some of my friends for a pretty long time, I wonder how we'll speak to each other when I get back! Will the manner change? I don't intend for the change to be much. =)
Randomness once more. Why some people wear sunglasses for? Out of necessity always? I'm cool with it, I really think that's called style. But, I'm kinda curious to picture them otherwise too. Without the shades. I have fun with thinking I should just keep staring at their shades if they won't let me see their eyes properly (that's just a wall ppl put there, you know). Burn a hole through their head or sth. Lol. Crazy. I want Cyclops' shades. No seriously. I'm gonna go shop for a pair of shades myself. And hope that I don't choose another wrong pair this time. The stuff I shop for need to be quite versatile. 8) Oh gawd, can I cut down on using such formal words. I can't speak like that to other people of my age. Haha right. So many people out here upon my coming here to Melbourne. They all seem to 'have it all going' for them. But really, there is much more going on here. I get overwhelmed. I never got that in Singapore.
I took a break and watched House bloopers on Youtube. That was too funny. I dunno what to say in this post now. Lolx. My mind had been focused, now it's not. It loosened up, and the focus's gone. Haha. I just gotta be getting out there and see what new stuff could I be getting involved in. The MSAP was something so different (for me), and I dun wanna forget that. I wasn't the best that I could be. But I wanna forget that. .....Haha. I was watching House bloopers, and even with them doing bloopers, they're still brilliant. I'm not there yet. I barely know what I can be. It's a little bit of a struggle. Because I hope I can do more than what I've been offered. Forget the crap. Do what you need to do. For yourself or whatever. And you can enjoy and be happy about it. You do that for yourself, keep yourself relatively happy. You need to, you want to, get something done. This is pretty usual stuff I say. Hmm.
I get worked up whenever I hear good stuff or watch good movies. Love it, but I get worked up too. Haha. Not seeing how I can go into movies yet. Not sure if I have a taste for good music. But I 'spot' movie soundtracks all the time. =P When I hear it, I may know it. Hahahh yah. Oooh I have to get a movie cam on my own. Film stuff and load onto Youtube! HA. I think I feel pretty comfortable behind a cam too. It's awesome to capture moments, if you know what I mean. And I like using new ways to capture stuff. And not see the same old stuff in the same old ways. But of course the real subject is important too, not just what's captured. Hmm. 'Captured in a moment'. Whatd'ya think of this phrase I just coined? As I said, I like word play. ^^
How much time and effort does one need to be perfecting the two 'me's? The perfect angel and the perfect monster. I project myself as the former. Lol. I'm not so far gone as to be a complete monster. x_x
At the end of the day, I am still a speechless or rambling idiot who doesn't think she should hang on to the hope of wanting to be completely free. I got that. Whenever I need it, I got that, at the very least. Safe ground. Sorrie, now I'm starting to paint pretty metaphorical pictures. In order to make things easy, sometimes we make things hard. The Beatles sing, "Living is easy with eyes closed". I get that. Don't we all.
Am I too ideological? What am I cut out to do? I'll hate to find work as an adult. WORK. Can I still explore new stuff then? As a student, I'm reading chapters from different books each week. Aw, not really. Lately I've been falling behind with my dossier reading. Coz I have had to set my bum down in the kitchen (nowhere near my bed) and work on essays there till 6am in the morning. I make sure I get like 6, 7 hours of beauty sleep though. But this is the only way I get essays done this sem. Lol. Sometimes I take it that it's up to me whether I want to do the essays. This is my life. Yeah yeah, whatever. And I was the one who chose to get a media degree at least. At the very least, my sch course ain't half as bad. Only used handycam so far though. I do the essays. It's up to me WHEN. Haha. I actually do the essays coz I'm a little interested to anyway. I choose to write abt what I have some interest to know about.
I freak out. I probably freak people out sometimes. I may be too 'hyper'. This very 'high' airhead. LOL. I dun wanna have a bright smiley face, when there's a blackhole where my mind's supposed to be. It drops away. And I summon it up. Lol. Guess I could smile like a fool sometimes though. =)
MSAP got me to start writing this very long post after being away from my blog for such a long while.
What if 'We're the all singing, all dancing crap of the world?' (Fight Club) You and me sing and dance along too. There's only so much you can do. No. Whatever. Tomorrow's another day. Hah. End of sem is coming up. Time to be bogged down by assignments. Got a two week volunteering stint for this thing called Newsline at RMIT. TWO WEEKS! School is so gonna mess me up. Hmm, school better not mess with me.
In Da Scene and Queen Band were cool. This is the age of the cool. But really, their music had tunes which weren't just made up like that. Chinese pop music sometimes really suck you know. They just go on and on for the sake of it. I make comparisons like that. Chinese pop music, no. In Da Scene and Queen Band are good because the music sounds like it's more than that. The tunes can strike you, and then there are the lyrics. Man, I could come up with some sentences myself, since I like to play with words. :P Yah yah, when I have the time, I'm going to say.
The very nice lady who drew my portrait, and the artist who says he just does other people's paintings, and the bubble guy even were cool too. You should have seen how the shy bubble guy smiled while he formed the bubbles. Kids played with the bubbles. It isn't nice to have been shot down and made to retreat into shyness like that. The world is showing me some stuff. Just look around sometimes, and the sky might seem like it's falling already. Haha. No lar. I don't go looking for these things only. I look for other things. The bands have cool guys, and I get heart failure. Never saw how cool deejaying is. Is it easy? Lol. Huh? Who? What? Dun ask me. Bye. ^^

write about yourself here like how you lived through a crisis like the morrocian crisis. erps, have you studied about that before and about your test, how easy it is and how much confidence you have to pass and get all A1s for all subjects, add in your own wish here, and what you would do if target is not reached, like slash your wrist, eat many many painkiller pills at one shot and die. lol it's suicidal thoughts. stay away from that. but you need to enter a reality, everyone's doing that- it's the trend, so why not follow it. unless you want to be an odd one out. cause slashing wrist is soo common in girls school not in boys school. boys suicide, just like die gracefully from 30th storey, just look on the bright side, maybe you have lived in a lie too long and so you have found out the turth now, just think. optimist wins. you have entered into a world of reality



We know life's hard, truth is hard, lies are hard, they are all hard to accept when they have been found out, and i'm rushing history homework on the Abyissian Crisis about Italy and Abyssia going into war and that the League Of Nations cannot stop this from happening, and beacuse they are formed by means to stop war and peace-keep the countries together, they have thus failed to achieve that. I think i tend to hold a class for history instead of telling you about me, i'm basically a what subject-realted lover (humanities) and thus I am more analytical and critical about things, and likes to study about dead people, haha. lol. it's history what can you expect and also geography, it amazes me. I really like it alot, so what have you? Again to find this answer you need to enter into your own reality and reflect




it's amazing. amzing how people change the way of things, like how I used to hate outdoors in Band felt it was a complete waste of time, i've acquired to like it more, i guess people change, their thereotical means and applications in life just goes on into a new direction, and see things in another perspective, i guess- it's all in the mind. It really amazes me how these comes into action, from someone so pessimistic has changed his own view of things, and thus my friend is scoring much better, being more optimisitc and not think of his old way of suicidal thoughts, which are pretty daunting. and thus we need to see things, in another light, another perspective and another new way, to enable us to open up our minds, and make more new things, the new way it is. done with the old back with the new

i've hiatus-ed.

/ 9:10 PM

It has now become such that I am tired, and am not making a start to talk about this something I really want to talk about. But there you go. I have begun. I was part of the Melbourne Street Arts Project. And I'm going to talk about things far beyond this. 'Cause what I talk about in my blog is with regards to my thoughts. And my feelings. Let me begin with saying that I -loved- the Street Arts Project. I love it so much. I probably will repeat this throughout. Why not? I love it, I love it, I love it. And yet, this is not going to be me raving about how much I loved the festival. You know me. (that is, know-know me?) I wander with my thoughts. Okay, can we get to the point right now?
That is me talking to myself. That's pretty much what I do on my blog. Because this blog is full of things that I am not likely to say in real life. These are the things you keep aside, store somewhere, and they're not seen outwardly, but these are the things which make you the person you are. This is how I speak on my blog too. I get philosophical. I rattle on about things which I'm not sure whether they are useful to think about. I get happy. I get sad. I get exhilarated. I get depressed. I'm not depressed right now. I just need to do some writing. I haven't blogged in such a long time.
So what do I have to say about the Street Arts Project? I'm not sure. Let's see where this goes. It has ended. And that is all? It was just for those two days? Boy, am I going to contradict myself in my blog too. This is my space for freedom of speech. Or is it freedom of thought. I don't even speak much. I suppose I should stop putting myself down for choosing to remain mute sometimes. Coz I'm not so bad at socializing. But there are just times when one simply gets it or one simply doesn't. And I'm such a lazy ass that I don't even try to get it. If I don't get it, I don't get it. I suppose I make life harder for myself too. Too rebellious. Not even rebelling for any cause. Hohoho. Rebel Without A Cause. Did I just come to understand why that movie is titled as such? I must try to watch that. Okay, first comes the self-bashing, then the reconciliation of conflicting elements. Lolz. So that I can carry on. I kinda view my days one day at a time.
Track back. "But this is me being the sort who cannot commit to any long-term job." It's like I can't get to understand things too well. I can't stay put. I'll try to roam off again, roam free. Run away, if that's how you see it. Is that what I want? And to think that I like to see myself as the kind of person who will stick by a closest friend. No questions asked. Just need the feeling of being able to count on the person for a wordless kind of understanding or just empathy. Or just the ability to laugh at stupid things - laugh together. You get it, I get it. I miss my friends. I love my family. I love my friends. But I'm going for something more by coming out here. I have barely learnt enough. That creeps me out too. This is me, this is where I am, no more, no less. And I'll come back to this later.
See what I mean when I say I can't talk about these things in real life? I actually track back. How could I track back in a conversation and not seem abnormal? Haha. You know, I really should learn not to get distracted halfway in a conversation. Something gets stuck in my head, and then I cease to listen to the other person properly, even when the person is worth listening to. But I feel free to track back when I am crapping with my family and friends. :)
So I've established that I'm kinda mute sometimes, or because I believe in trying, I attempt to speak and then turn out sounding like an idiot. That's not so bad. It happens to all of us. But it's how I feel about it that matters to me. I don't like sounding like an idiot. T_T But I try. And is it quite enough to be just trying. Coz what else can I do but try. Can I stop getting ahead of myself all the time already. You know you got a lifetime ahead of you to be trying. Yeah yeah, uh huh.
Okay, saying all this ain't new. What else have I got to say still. I try because I want to be trying anyway. I want to say something to some person. It's either I'm desparate to (get-it-over-and done-with kind of thing), or maybe (more rarely) I desparately desire to. Whoa oh. Desire. I like to see additional meanings in words. Hey, it's cool for artists to use sexual innuendoes in their work right? Lol.
A uni friend said to me almost everything is about sex, and I forgot if she gave me an example, but I first brought up the fact that people say fairytales have sexual connotations. Yeah... What do I know about sex? Nothing. It means nothing to me. Is it taboo? Whatever. Lol. My dear family, if you're reading this, do not be alarmed. Hahaha. I'm just saying. And it's not something that can't be said. Is it great? Well, I'm waiting. See if I can be convinced. See if that happens when the time does come. Haha. Righttttt pardon the nonsense now. Just had to say it. But what else can be said about it? Nope nothing. Moving on.
Hmm I don't know what I am supposed to be talking about. The above bit is relevant? It might just be though I didn't intend to write that. It's subconsciously part of the changes that are taking place with me? Dun go too far with that. XD I am merely growing a mind now. A mind that has to decide on things to say unlike "Squirtle! I choose you!" or "Nazou wa subete toketa! (The mystery is solved!)" Lol. I loved (still do) the Pokemon series and jdrama The Files of Young Kindaichi. Now I watch stuff varying from Grey's Anatomy to the Alien movie series, and I wanna watch Hitchcock's Psycho finally.
Can I seriously get to the point now. Ahaha. I don't care much for giving a playlist of the stuff I like to watch. Hehehhh. Well, I should be learning not to take too long to get down to saying what I want to say. Should I start to say a little something about other ppl now, and risk getting sued for defamation? Haha not funny. When did I start to crack jokes like that? Too formal. What kind of person do I come across as? What I know is it's good to learn humour in life. I've just grown a mind, and I need to be guiding myself.
Sometimes it's like we're all just waiting for the sky to fall. Sorrie. Randomness. Anyone out there who can tell me that growing as a youngster is ever easy? Well, I don't have it too hard. I wasn't born that way. Now everything's okay. And I will make my life the best it can be and all. But why does everything impress upon me that the sky's just waiting to fall? I don't look at everything that way. I could be getting the wrong message. But generally, not everything is fine and dandy. You know, when I blog so vaguely like this, I feel like I could convince the whole world to agree with what I say. Ahahaha.
I am vulnerable. I am scared. So what right. I'm not the only one. I suddenly think I should not just keep talking about all this. Something should be done in the time I have. Whatever means something to me. I ought to try to find some new friends here who know things may be pessimistic, but they're always up on their feet. These are the fun people. Who do what they can with what they get. Anything could be fun. That's why I miss my friends, each with individual self-defining characteristics of their own. It's a little thing, but also a big thing. I don't pinpoint the characteristics, we just talk about crap and laugh. But, at least that doesn't feel like an everyday thing. One day should not be same as another, one thing we do should not be the same as another. Haven't seen some of my friends for a pretty long time, I wonder how we'll speak to each other when I get back! Will the manner change? I don't intend for the change to be much. =)
Randomness once more. Why some people wear sunglasses for? Out of necessity always? I'm cool with it, I really think that's called style. But, I'm kinda curious to picture them otherwise too. Without the shades. I have fun with thinking I should just keep staring at their shades if they won't let me see their eyes properly (that's just a wall ppl put there, you know). Burn a hole through their head or sth. Lol. Crazy. I want Cyclops' shades. No seriously. I'm gonna go shop for a pair of shades myself. And hope that I don't choose another wrong pair this time. The stuff I shop for need to be quite versatile. 8) Oh gawd, can I cut down on using such formal words. I can't speak like that to other people of my age. Haha right. So many people out here upon my coming here to Melbourne. They all seem to 'have it all going' for them. But really, there is much more going on here. I get overwhelmed. I never got that in Singapore.
I took a break and watched House bloopers on Youtube. That was too funny. I dunno what to say in this post now. Lolx. My mind had been focused, now it's not. It loosened up, and the focus's gone. Haha. I just gotta be getting out there and see what new stuff could I be getting involved in. The MSAP was something so different (for me), and I dun wanna forget that. I wasn't the best that I could be. But I wanna forget that. .....Haha. I was watching House bloopers, and even with them doing bloopers, they're still brilliant. I'm not there yet. I barely know what I can be. It's a little bit of a struggle. Because I hope I can do more than what I've been offered. Forget the crap. Do what you need to do. For yourself or whatever. And you can enjoy and be happy about it. You do that for yourself, keep yourself relatively happy. You need to, you want to, get something done. This is pretty usual stuff I say. Hmm.
I get worked up whenever I hear good stuff or watch good movies. Love it, but I get worked up too. Haha. Not seeing how I can go into movies yet. Not sure if I have a taste for good music. But I 'spot' movie soundtracks all the time. =P When I hear it, I may know it. Hahahh yah. Oooh I have to get a movie cam on my own. Film stuff and load onto Youtube! HA. I think I feel pretty comfortable behind a cam too. It's awesome to capture moments, if you know what I mean. And I like using new ways to capture stuff. And not see the same old stuff in the same old ways. But of course the real subject is important too, not just what's captured. Hmm. 'Captured in a moment'. Whatd'ya think of this phrase I just coined? As I said, I like word play. ^^
How much time and effort does one need to be perfecting the two 'me's? The perfect angel and the perfect monster. I project myself as the former. Lol. I'm not so far gone as to be a complete monster. x_x
At the end of the day, I am still a speechless or rambling idiot who doesn't think she should hang on to the hope of wanting to be completely free. I got that. Whenever I need it, I got that, at the very least. Safe ground. Sorrie, now I'm starting to paint pretty metaphorical pictures. In order to make things easy, sometimes we make things hard. The Beatles sing, "Living is easy with eyes closed". I get that. Don't we all.
Am I too ideological? What am I cut out to do? I'll hate to find work as an adult. WORK. Can I still explore new stuff then? As a student, I'm reading chapters from different books each week. Aw, not really. Lately I've been falling behind with my dossier reading. Coz I have had to set my bum down in the kitchen (nowhere near my bed) and work on essays there till 6am in the morning. I make sure I get like 6, 7 hours of beauty sleep though. But this is the only way I get essays done this sem. Lol. Sometimes I take it that it's up to me whether I want to do the essays. This is my life. Yeah yeah, whatever. And I was the one who chose to get a media degree at least. At the very least, my sch course ain't half as bad. Only used handycam so far though. I do the essays. It's up to me WHEN. Haha. I actually do the essays coz I'm a little interested to anyway. I choose to write abt what I have some interest to know about.
I freak out. I probably freak people out sometimes. I may be too 'hyper'. This very 'high' airhead. LOL. I dun wanna have a bright smiley face, when there's a blackhole where my mind's supposed to be. It drops away. And I summon it up. Lol. Guess I could smile like a fool sometimes though. =)
MSAP got me to start writing this very long post after being away from my blog for such a long while.
What if 'We're the all singing, all dancing crap of the world?' (Fight Club) You and me sing and dance along too. There's only so much you can do. No. Whatever. Tomorrow's another day. Hah. End of sem is coming up. Time to be bogged down by assignments. Got a two week volunteering stint for this thing called Newsline at RMIT. TWO WEEKS! School is so gonna mess me up. Hmm, school better not mess with me.
In Da Scene and Queen Band were cool. This is the age of the cool. But really, their music had tunes which weren't just made up like that. Chinese pop music sometimes really suck you know. They just go on and on for the sake of it. I make comparisons like that. Chinese pop music, no. In Da Scene and Queen Band are good because the music sounds like it's more than that. The tunes can strike you, and then there are the lyrics. Man, I could come up with some sentences myself, since I like to play with words. :P Yah yah, when I have the time, I'm going to say.
The very nice lady who drew my portrait, and the artist who says he just does other people's paintings, and the bubble guy even were cool too. You should have seen how the shy bubble guy smiled while he formed the bubbles. Kids played with the bubbles. It isn't nice to have been shot down and made to retreat into shyness like that. The world is showing me some stuff. Just look around sometimes, and the sky might seem like it's falling already. Haha. No lar. I don't go looking for these things only. I look for other things. The bands have cool guys, and I get heart failure. Never saw how cool deejaying is. Is it easy? Lol. Huh? Who? What? Dun ask me. Bye. ^^