/ 3:41 PM

As you may know, I have been driving myself crazy with the -many- different options of which australian university to go to.. In some ways, I can't help it.. And at times, I'm sorta asking for it.. Hehe.. I can't help it when I have to accept that a particular option becomes closed to me when I don't meet the entry requirements.. Plus there's the consideration of whether it's advisable for me to go to a particular state of Australia.. All these do not give me a choice in 'swinging' from one option to another.. Other times, I'm asking for it.. Coz though I have decided that I don't mind doing an arts degree both for 'security' reasons (so I can get a job should a job doing film not be widely available) and because I can continue learning some general knowledge, I want to hold on to the idea of studying film still.. Just a little.. But this complicates things.. And because I'm open to all sources of information, coz I think there could always be something to learn from each and every source (I could attempt to be aware, and absorb good logical information over less convincing ones), I give myself more trouble..

This can be both good and bad.. Good because I become aware that whichever type of studies I should do, I will face both its pros and cons.. If I do film, I can have a stake in doing work I can see myself doing in the future.. But camera skills may not be practical, and camera work alone is dull.. If I do arts, could I still pave a way for myself to go on to do film later.. But of course, nothing is ever easy.. So I think I can live with considering all these problems.. And finally pick a choice which is most beneficial for me, with minimal drawbacks. But this is gonna be for myself too! So yeah, I'm asking for this big headache.. :P

I was thinking, this requires so much thought. I never knew of such a thing before. But how can one do this thoughtlessly? I shouldn't be thoughtless like that, if not I'll be thoughtlessly living my whole life too. I could try to view this as a challenge to myself. Throughout the whole long way to making my own achievement finally, everything I experience along the way will count for something. That's how one gets the seldom thought of, but actually highly important, satisfaction or contentment with one's life thereafter. This is so, so different from forms of entertainment which are temporary. Sorry to be philosophical in this post once again, but I think I'll be questioning my whole life what the hell am I doing here on earth? And don't laugh! Do you never ask yourself that? If so, there is something seriously wrong.. Haha..=P

I am going to do what I want to, what I like! With the acknowledgement that I also have to earn some money. I want to put my father and brother and also my mum at ease too. But money should not be a lifetime concern. I'm happy my father is willing and able to allow me to go overseas and study and all. I always acknowledge that okayyy.. Yeap.. But after all that.. No matter what life I'm given, I thank my lucky stars (or not, if I sometimes happen to be suay) and move on.. And money should still not be a lifetime concern. I just want to try making myself happy along the way. After money and all else have been taken into consideration.

I get bored. I get bored so easily. I'll tell you something strange, blogging this small bit makes me feel better already. Whatever's within has been eased out. ('Eased out'? Sounds like a fart or something..Lol! Nonono) Thinking it out like this can dispel boredom. Boredom is one thing; sometimes I'm frustrated with my surroundings, and of course frustration is worse lor.. But I'm a different kind of person altogether, and sometimes I think it's not like it can be helped who I am. So can one understand that coz that frustration at times seems like it will always have grounds to be present (coz I remain who I am, and my surroundings also remain the same), and thus it's also why that frustration can be so great? But now I think, if I'm gonna have to accept certain disagreeable things (and I don't mind if I sometimes compromise, but I wun wanna accept a whole lot of shit, nonono), why not go about it quickly? I find that I may drag things and make myself unhappy for an unnecessarily long time. Can sweep the disagreeable things all up, and get done with them and discard! Not gonna let little details deter me! Okay come on let's go! ._.? Lolz.. That was said only because it's somewhat suitable to say in this mood.. Yeah, and I'm off! My moods sure are funny.. I could learn to moderate them to avoid embarrassment.. Hehe.. Otherwise I'm gonna appear to be weird.. Aiya, don't really care, I could stay weird XD

Being comfortable and confident of oneself.. We could all learn to be that way.. Without the egoism and conceit of course!

write about yourself here like how you lived through a crisis like the morrocian crisis. erps, have you studied about that before and about your test, how easy it is and how much confidence you have to pass and get all A1s for all subjects, add in your own wish here, and what you would do if target is not reached, like slash your wrist, eat many many painkiller pills at one shot and die. lol it's suicidal thoughts. stay away from that. but you need to enter a reality, everyone's doing that- it's the trend, so why not follow it. unless you want to be an odd one out. cause slashing wrist is soo common in girls school not in boys school. boys suicide, just like die gracefully from 30th storey, just look on the bright side, maybe you have lived in a lie too long and so you have found out the turth now, just think. optimist wins. you have entered into a world of reality



We know life's hard, truth is hard, lies are hard, they are all hard to accept when they have been found out, and i'm rushing history homework on the Abyissian Crisis about Italy and Abyssia going into war and that the League Of Nations cannot stop this from happening, and beacuse they are formed by means to stop war and peace-keep the countries together, they have thus failed to achieve that. I think i tend to hold a class for history instead of telling you about me, i'm basically a what subject-realted lover (humanities) and thus I am more analytical and critical about things, and likes to study about dead people, haha. lol. it's history what can you expect and also geography, it amazes me. I really like it alot, so what have you? Again to find this answer you need to enter into your own reality and reflect




it's amazing. amzing how people change the way of things, like how I used to hate outdoors in Band felt it was a complete waste of time, i've acquired to like it more, i guess people change, their thereotical means and applications in life just goes on into a new direction, and see things in another perspective, i guess- it's all in the mind. It really amazes me how these comes into action, from someone so pessimistic has changed his own view of things, and thus my friend is scoring much better, being more optimisitc and not think of his old way of suicidal thoughts, which are pretty daunting. and thus we need to see things, in another light, another perspective and another new way, to enable us to open up our minds, and make more new things, the new way it is. done with the old back with the new

i've hiatus-ed.

/ 3:41 PM

As you may know, I have been driving myself crazy with the -many- different options of which australian university to go to.. In some ways, I can't help it.. And at times, I'm sorta asking for it.. Hehe.. I can't help it when I have to accept that a particular option becomes closed to me when I don't meet the entry requirements.. Plus there's the consideration of whether it's advisable for me to go to a particular state of Australia.. All these do not give me a choice in 'swinging' from one option to another.. Other times, I'm asking for it.. Coz though I have decided that I don't mind doing an arts degree both for 'security' reasons (so I can get a job should a job doing film not be widely available) and because I can continue learning some general knowledge, I want to hold on to the idea of studying film still.. Just a little.. But this complicates things.. And because I'm open to all sources of information, coz I think there could always be something to learn from each and every source (I could attempt to be aware, and absorb good logical information over less convincing ones), I give myself more trouble..

This can be both good and bad.. Good because I become aware that whichever type of studies I should do, I will face both its pros and cons.. If I do film, I can have a stake in doing work I can see myself doing in the future.. But camera skills may not be practical, and camera work alone is dull.. If I do arts, could I still pave a way for myself to go on to do film later.. But of course, nothing is ever easy.. So I think I can live with considering all these problems.. And finally pick a choice which is most beneficial for me, with minimal drawbacks. But this is gonna be for myself too! So yeah, I'm asking for this big headache.. :P

I was thinking, this requires so much thought. I never knew of such a thing before. But how can one do this thoughtlessly? I shouldn't be thoughtless like that, if not I'll be thoughtlessly living my whole life too. I could try to view this as a challenge to myself. Throughout the whole long way to making my own achievement finally, everything I experience along the way will count for something. That's how one gets the seldom thought of, but actually highly important, satisfaction or contentment with one's life thereafter. This is so, so different from forms of entertainment which are temporary. Sorry to be philosophical in this post once again, but I think I'll be questioning my whole life what the hell am I doing here on earth? And don't laugh! Do you never ask yourself that? If so, there is something seriously wrong.. Haha..=P

I am going to do what I want to, what I like! With the acknowledgement that I also have to earn some money. I want to put my father and brother and also my mum at ease too. But money should not be a lifetime concern. I'm happy my father is willing and able to allow me to go overseas and study and all. I always acknowledge that okayyy.. Yeap.. But after all that.. No matter what life I'm given, I thank my lucky stars (or not, if I sometimes happen to be suay) and move on.. And money should still not be a lifetime concern. I just want to try making myself happy along the way. After money and all else have been taken into consideration.

I get bored. I get bored so easily. I'll tell you something strange, blogging this small bit makes me feel better already. Whatever's within has been eased out. ('Eased out'? Sounds like a fart or something..Lol! Nonono) Thinking it out like this can dispel boredom. Boredom is one thing; sometimes I'm frustrated with my surroundings, and of course frustration is worse lor.. But I'm a different kind of person altogether, and sometimes I think it's not like it can be helped who I am. So can one understand that coz that frustration at times seems like it will always have grounds to be present (coz I remain who I am, and my surroundings also remain the same), and thus it's also why that frustration can be so great? But now I think, if I'm gonna have to accept certain disagreeable things (and I don't mind if I sometimes compromise, but I wun wanna accept a whole lot of shit, nonono), why not go about it quickly? I find that I may drag things and make myself unhappy for an unnecessarily long time. Can sweep the disagreeable things all up, and get done with them and discard! Not gonna let little details deter me! Okay come on let's go! ._.? Lolz.. That was said only because it's somewhat suitable to say in this mood.. Yeah, and I'm off! My moods sure are funny.. I could learn to moderate them to avoid embarrassment.. Hehe.. Otherwise I'm gonna appear to be weird.. Aiya, don't really care, I could stay weird XD

Being comfortable and confident of oneself.. We could all learn to be that way.. Without the egoism and conceit of course!