/ 10:16 PM

Sigh.. Bad day.. Bad paper.. But I've done some thinking, and I don't think I have a need to feel bad about myself, neither should others have a reason to reproach me, coz I am not absolutely lazy and no way will I ever think that I am dumb.. Could I have done more preparation in the upcoming months before the A levels? Perhaps. I always had a problem with time management, and I was never able to exactly fix it.. So tons more of practice might have helped me deal with the problem, but how is this do-able either? I've pressed onward, as much as my will could allow.. Laziness may not be laziness in itself, but it has to do with the will.. Without being interested in the syllabus or the way our ability to think is to be assessed, I have already willed myself to work hard, beyond my heartfelt willingness..

An exam makes one miserable.. With the exception of those who have the exam system so ingrained in them.. But is that the way it should be? Accept whatever system is prevalent? Accept that such a system is meant for everyone? Maybe I can't talk so much, coz I could have taken the non-exam-based route, i.e. the poly route.. But the norm of going to a JC(and the single next alternative for not doing well is our school then) and then proceeding to enter a university had been ingrained in me too.. I did not get to talk it out with any others properly, with regards to where I wished to go next after the O levels.. Yet, I myself was not aware enough of what I wanted for myself either.. At that age, maturity of thought and awareness not there yet yarh..

Only now then do I have this constant need to declare, "This is MY life!" And so I want to take actions which are according to my will, not because I am so full of myself, but because I want to be accountable for my own life.. I am willing to take the responsibility for my choice of direction in life, and deal with and learn from whatever possible failures personally, and refrain from bothering anyone else with my own problems.. Isn't this how things should be? Can this be called laziness then? Why, no.. I want to be accountable for my own actions, so if I fail, I myself will suffer! That's hard on oneself you know! But let me fail! Then let me learn! Such a failure will only make me want to come back up stronger if I have the desire to make a name for myself in a certain profession I like or something.. But don't present me with failures in terms of poor academic results.. They will only serve to demoralize and make one numb towards the school syllabus.. Whoever will have a passion for doing better in studies? We only strive to do well in our studies bcoz we have to be practical! Furthermore, the education system does not even allow room for failures..

Why is it one gets numb to the school syllabus then? We never asked to study the content we have had to study.. And we never asked for all that content to be transferred onto stacks and stacks of paper, and into countless words.. Why can't we learn about the monopoly market, as in the case of the dominance Hollywood has in the movie industry? Why can't we learn about environmental issues by watching Al Gore's movie, 'The Inconvenient Truth'?

Studying is bad.. Exams are worse.. I am not just this whiny person when it comes to taking exams.. I have my reasons for being against it.. Do I exaggerate how difficult it is for me to do well in exams despite having studied? No right.. How can I do something worthwhile while I'm still alive(and like leave behind a legacy you know? leave my mark in the world haha), how can I keep myself and the people I care about happy, I think from time to time.. These shld be the most important things in life, aren't they.. Well, I will try, as I always conclude.. And same goes for the remaining 11 days, I will still try.. Oh and I think, how can I get to do that something that's worthwhile, without having to systematically produce a brilliant academic record first? My record has been blemished already, and we have yet to see what kind of results I will get for the 'A's too.. But today's paper is past already.. I'm off to sleep.. So, see ya

-------------

"Mother, what is doing well?"

- Quoted by Clym Yeobright from 'The Return of the Native'

write about yourself here like how you lived through a crisis like the morrocian crisis. erps, have you studied about that before and about your test, how easy it is and how much confidence you have to pass and get all A1s for all subjects, add in your own wish here, and what you would do if target is not reached, like slash your wrist, eat many many painkiller pills at one shot and die. lol it's suicidal thoughts. stay away from that. but you need to enter a reality, everyone's doing that- it's the trend, so why not follow it. unless you want to be an odd one out. cause slashing wrist is soo common in girls school not in boys school. boys suicide, just like die gracefully from 30th storey, just look on the bright side, maybe you have lived in a lie too long and so you have found out the turth now, just think. optimist wins. you have entered into a world of reality



We know life's hard, truth is hard, lies are hard, they are all hard to accept when they have been found out, and i'm rushing history homework on the Abyissian Crisis about Italy and Abyssia going into war and that the League Of Nations cannot stop this from happening, and beacuse they are formed by means to stop war and peace-keep the countries together, they have thus failed to achieve that. I think i tend to hold a class for history instead of telling you about me, i'm basically a what subject-realted lover (humanities) and thus I am more analytical and critical about things, and likes to study about dead people, haha. lol. it's history what can you expect and also geography, it amazes me. I really like it alot, so what have you? Again to find this answer you need to enter into your own reality and reflect




it's amazing. amzing how people change the way of things, like how I used to hate outdoors in Band felt it was a complete waste of time, i've acquired to like it more, i guess people change, their thereotical means and applications in life just goes on into a new direction, and see things in another perspective, i guess- it's all in the mind. It really amazes me how these comes into action, from someone so pessimistic has changed his own view of things, and thus my friend is scoring much better, being more optimisitc and not think of his old way of suicidal thoughts, which are pretty daunting. and thus we need to see things, in another light, another perspective and another new way, to enable us to open up our minds, and make more new things, the new way it is. done with the old back with the new

i've hiatus-ed.

/ 10:16 PM

Sigh.. Bad day.. Bad paper.. But I've done some thinking, and I don't think I have a need to feel bad about myself, neither should others have a reason to reproach me, coz I am not absolutely lazy and no way will I ever think that I am dumb.. Could I have done more preparation in the upcoming months before the A levels? Perhaps. I always had a problem with time management, and I was never able to exactly fix it.. So tons more of practice might have helped me deal with the problem, but how is this do-able either? I've pressed onward, as much as my will could allow.. Laziness may not be laziness in itself, but it has to do with the will.. Without being interested in the syllabus or the way our ability to think is to be assessed, I have already willed myself to work hard, beyond my heartfelt willingness..

An exam makes one miserable.. With the exception of those who have the exam system so ingrained in them.. But is that the way it should be? Accept whatever system is prevalent? Accept that such a system is meant for everyone? Maybe I can't talk so much, coz I could have taken the non-exam-based route, i.e. the poly route.. But the norm of going to a JC(and the single next alternative for not doing well is our school then) and then proceeding to enter a university had been ingrained in me too.. I did not get to talk it out with any others properly, with regards to where I wished to go next after the O levels.. Yet, I myself was not aware enough of what I wanted for myself either.. At that age, maturity of thought and awareness not there yet yarh..

Only now then do I have this constant need to declare, "This is MY life!" And so I want to take actions which are according to my will, not because I am so full of myself, but because I want to be accountable for my own life.. I am willing to take the responsibility for my choice of direction in life, and deal with and learn from whatever possible failures personally, and refrain from bothering anyone else with my own problems.. Isn't this how things should be? Can this be called laziness then? Why, no.. I want to be accountable for my own actions, so if I fail, I myself will suffer! That's hard on oneself you know! But let me fail! Then let me learn! Such a failure will only make me want to come back up stronger if I have the desire to make a name for myself in a certain profession I like or something.. But don't present me with failures in terms of poor academic results.. They will only serve to demoralize and make one numb towards the school syllabus.. Whoever will have a passion for doing better in studies? We only strive to do well in our studies bcoz we have to be practical! Furthermore, the education system does not even allow room for failures..

Why is it one gets numb to the school syllabus then? We never asked to study the content we have had to study.. And we never asked for all that content to be transferred onto stacks and stacks of paper, and into countless words.. Why can't we learn about the monopoly market, as in the case of the dominance Hollywood has in the movie industry? Why can't we learn about environmental issues by watching Al Gore's movie, 'The Inconvenient Truth'?

Studying is bad.. Exams are worse.. I am not just this whiny person when it comes to taking exams.. I have my reasons for being against it.. Do I exaggerate how difficult it is for me to do well in exams despite having studied? No right.. How can I do something worthwhile while I'm still alive(and like leave behind a legacy you know? leave my mark in the world haha), how can I keep myself and the people I care about happy, I think from time to time.. These shld be the most important things in life, aren't they.. Well, I will try, as I always conclude.. And same goes for the remaining 11 days, I will still try.. Oh and I think, how can I get to do that something that's worthwhile, without having to systematically produce a brilliant academic record first? My record has been blemished already, and we have yet to see what kind of results I will get for the 'A's too.. But today's paper is past already.. I'm off to sleep.. So, see ya

-------------

"Mother, what is doing well?"

- Quoted by Clym Yeobright from 'The Return of the Native'