/ 6:30 PM

This is gonna be a post with a random train of thought again.. Might have a more subdued tone.. I can't be feeling 'high' with the A levels approaching yeah.. Haha.. Things at home are different.. I make more decisions abt my daily activities.. There have been discussions abt moving house, so we've been viewing apartments.. My dad is giving me freedom to decide how I want my room to be like, and so on.. He wants the house to be really a home sweet home and all yar? Man, it's quiet in my house, and I cld really get rid of this mood by putting on some cheery music now, and quit Blogger.. But that's ok.. Lets just get on with this post~

The family of men left in my house have to be out pretty often.. My dad has to work for sure, and my bro has his studies.. And I've got to continue to learn to be independent.. I know my dad loves me, and my bro cares.. But obviously, there'll be times when I'm physically alone, and add to that the silence in the house which becomes noticeable after hrs pass, though I dun intentionally think abt it.. My bro sometimes uses a tone on me which is a -little- too overbearing for my liking.. Haha.. Makes me feel like I'm still some kid who doesn't know anything..=S Not that I dunno underlying that kind of tone is concern.. But I feel it's unneccessary for him to speak to me like that *grumbles* Anyway, he's the serious type, so oh well.. I also know my dad loves me.. But previously, the situation was such that not much bonding btwn my dad, my bro and me cld take place.. But they're men after all.. Not the talkative kind of ppl.. More of the 'strong and silent' type.. Lolx.. And so, it's me as the only girl =X It'll have to take more time for all of us to have more togetherness.. I still dunno my dad's and bro's interests etc etc.. One of my bro's interests will be pretty girls lah of coz.. That one dun have to ask one.. Sometimes I innocently come across sources.. Muahaha! :P:P

So, I've also been thinking, other than family love(and more so if one doesn't even have that), what other kinds of love do we need? I guess.. It'll be love from someone who can be initimate with oneself in another way, bcos there'll be a smaller age gap and well.. Coz that kind of person I'm hinting at is.. One's lover. Methinks it's quite embarrassing why I write abt this at all, but forget that.. Nineteen already, what's there to be shy abt? Ahaha -bleahh- I think abt this issue when I watch particular dramas or hear particular songs, you know? Then, there's this rush of feeling, and it's unstoppable so I shall have my say..X) Sometimes when I hear love songs, I try to be funny and act all cynical, thinking stuff like "What has this all got to do with me? Wait until I have a real romance then I'll listen to all this rubbish" Keke.. Other than this, I've also noticed the number of times the word "you" comes up in all those love songs.. "You" are my this, "You" are my that.. With a capital "Y".. Like the "you" is a God.. And that are other times when it is described in movies and books as though the period of time you're in love is the only time you're ever gonna live for in your life.. Wellllll... We'll see when I can ever find out..*ahem* But I'm not single and desperate lor.. More of single and.. Curious. (*-*) I feel it lowers my dignity to be desperate, and I'll never allow myself to be like that! Lowers self worth also.. Acting desperate will only emphasize that noone wants you.. And that blows one's chances further, instead of helping the situation, yeah? Anyway, as for the 'rush of feeling' I mentioned above, which instigated these thoughts.. It's due to listening the song that's playing now.. Old song but still, so nice!

Also, I think.. It's in these moments when I get a 'rush of feeling' that I feel in awe of the beautiful things that one can create.. And these things make life good.. With a bit more exaggeration, these things make me feel like I'm actually living.. But having to hit the books agin kills the feeling straightaway.. Hahah.. I wanna make a living out of those things that make me feel good abt life.. Great movies, great music.. But ahead of us is the very impt process that comes before the destination.. It's quite stupid that we gotta do something we dun really like(ie study), in order to have a career we like later.. And suddenly the thai movie Beautiful Boxer comes into my head.. Can draw some similarities eh.. This guy in the show actually goes winning boxing matches so that he can transform himself into a woman later.. Now look. Is there any link btwn boxing and transforming into a woman?!? It's more like contradictory.. But I guess that's the attraction of that movie.. Still, same goes for our education and the career we can take on later! No link.. Boooooo *thumbsdown*

But then, I will not feel at peace with myself if I don't try hard now.. I keep trying to keep the future I want in view.. Many of us probably can't see a too clear future path though.. But come to think of it, whoever follows through with our ambitions we had as a kid? I remember my very first ambition was to be a doctor.. And that was because of the tcs 8 drama back then, called "Medical Files" or something. Then I got hooked on the jdrama "Files of Young Kindaichi".. And I wanted to become a super sleuth. LolZ! Next I watched -another- jdrama called "Hero" where the hero in the show was a prosector.. And then I wanted to become a prosecutor lor! Ahaha.. I put a lot of thought into all my varying ambitions ok.. I was so certain I wanted to be a prosector then, always clarifying that it had to be prosecutor and not lawyer.. Coz a lawyer might end up helping the bad guys in court, whereas a prosecutor is always on the side of justice.. Hahaha.. Then now, do you see the common factor in all the above? I had always got hooked on some drama before I aspired to do whatever job.. Lolz.. And so, now we have the director wannabe.. Pretty interesting huh =) But I'm not even so clear abt that, I juz know that I want to have a part in producing great shows and some great accompanying music too.. Oh yeahh

That was quite fulfilling, to have written this post I mean.. But I think I wun blog any more, at least not for the upcoming few mths.. And yep, it's coz of the exam, I'm feeling very kan cheong so I'm juz gonna freeze my blog ok.. I think many a time, our inability to do well may be due to the psychological state.. Psychological barrier lo.. Prevents one from doing well.. And that, in my case, in pretty strong I think.. I get panicky.. I worry and fear.. But now I shall free my mind from all that.. I'll need to relax more and believe in myself, and juz go ahead with it.. Wish me luck.. A lot a lot of it XD This blog will see you again next time okays

write about yourself here like how you lived through a crisis like the morrocian crisis. erps, have you studied about that before and about your test, how easy it is and how much confidence you have to pass and get all A1s for all subjects, add in your own wish here, and what you would do if target is not reached, like slash your wrist, eat many many painkiller pills at one shot and die. lol it's suicidal thoughts. stay away from that. but you need to enter a reality, everyone's doing that- it's the trend, so why not follow it. unless you want to be an odd one out. cause slashing wrist is soo common in girls school not in boys school. boys suicide, just like die gracefully from 30th storey, just look on the bright side, maybe you have lived in a lie too long and so you have found out the turth now, just think. optimist wins. you have entered into a world of reality



We know life's hard, truth is hard, lies are hard, they are all hard to accept when they have been found out, and i'm rushing history homework on the Abyissian Crisis about Italy and Abyssia going into war and that the League Of Nations cannot stop this from happening, and beacuse they are formed by means to stop war and peace-keep the countries together, they have thus failed to achieve that. I think i tend to hold a class for history instead of telling you about me, i'm basically a what subject-realted lover (humanities) and thus I am more analytical and critical about things, and likes to study about dead people, haha. lol. it's history what can you expect and also geography, it amazes me. I really like it alot, so what have you? Again to find this answer you need to enter into your own reality and reflect




it's amazing. amzing how people change the way of things, like how I used to hate outdoors in Band felt it was a complete waste of time, i've acquired to like it more, i guess people change, their thereotical means and applications in life just goes on into a new direction, and see things in another perspective, i guess- it's all in the mind. It really amazes me how these comes into action, from someone so pessimistic has changed his own view of things, and thus my friend is scoring much better, being more optimisitc and not think of his old way of suicidal thoughts, which are pretty daunting. and thus we need to see things, in another light, another perspective and another new way, to enable us to open up our minds, and make more new things, the new way it is. done with the old back with the new

i've hiatus-ed.

/ 6:30 PM

This is gonna be a post with a random train of thought again.. Might have a more subdued tone.. I can't be feeling 'high' with the A levels approaching yeah.. Haha.. Things at home are different.. I make more decisions abt my daily activities.. There have been discussions abt moving house, so we've been viewing apartments.. My dad is giving me freedom to decide how I want my room to be like, and so on.. He wants the house to be really a home sweet home and all yar? Man, it's quiet in my house, and I cld really get rid of this mood by putting on some cheery music now, and quit Blogger.. But that's ok.. Lets just get on with this post~

The family of men left in my house have to be out pretty often.. My dad has to work for sure, and my bro has his studies.. And I've got to continue to learn to be independent.. I know my dad loves me, and my bro cares.. But obviously, there'll be times when I'm physically alone, and add to that the silence in the house which becomes noticeable after hrs pass, though I dun intentionally think abt it.. My bro sometimes uses a tone on me which is a -little- too overbearing for my liking.. Haha.. Makes me feel like I'm still some kid who doesn't know anything..=S Not that I dunno underlying that kind of tone is concern.. But I feel it's unneccessary for him to speak to me like that *grumbles* Anyway, he's the serious type, so oh well.. I also know my dad loves me.. But previously, the situation was such that not much bonding btwn my dad, my bro and me cld take place.. But they're men after all.. Not the talkative kind of ppl.. More of the 'strong and silent' type.. Lolx.. And so, it's me as the only girl =X It'll have to take more time for all of us to have more togetherness.. I still dunno my dad's and bro's interests etc etc.. One of my bro's interests will be pretty girls lah of coz.. That one dun have to ask one.. Sometimes I innocently come across sources.. Muahaha! :P:P

So, I've also been thinking, other than family love(and more so if one doesn't even have that), what other kinds of love do we need? I guess.. It'll be love from someone who can be initimate with oneself in another way, bcos there'll be a smaller age gap and well.. Coz that kind of person I'm hinting at is.. One's lover. Methinks it's quite embarrassing why I write abt this at all, but forget that.. Nineteen already, what's there to be shy abt? Ahaha -bleahh- I think abt this issue when I watch particular dramas or hear particular songs, you know? Then, there's this rush of feeling, and it's unstoppable so I shall have my say..X) Sometimes when I hear love songs, I try to be funny and act all cynical, thinking stuff like "What has this all got to do with me? Wait until I have a real romance then I'll listen to all this rubbish" Keke.. Other than this, I've also noticed the number of times the word "you" comes up in all those love songs.. "You" are my this, "You" are my that.. With a capital "Y".. Like the "you" is a God.. And that are other times when it is described in movies and books as though the period of time you're in love is the only time you're ever gonna live for in your life.. Wellllll... We'll see when I can ever find out..*ahem* But I'm not single and desperate lor.. More of single and.. Curious. (*-*) I feel it lowers my dignity to be desperate, and I'll never allow myself to be like that! Lowers self worth also.. Acting desperate will only emphasize that noone wants you.. And that blows one's chances further, instead of helping the situation, yeah? Anyway, as for the 'rush of feeling' I mentioned above, which instigated these thoughts.. It's due to listening the song that's playing now.. Old song but still, so nice!

Also, I think.. It's in these moments when I get a 'rush of feeling' that I feel in awe of the beautiful things that one can create.. And these things make life good.. With a bit more exaggeration, these things make me feel like I'm actually living.. But having to hit the books agin kills the feeling straightaway.. Hahah.. I wanna make a living out of those things that make me feel good abt life.. Great movies, great music.. But ahead of us is the very impt process that comes before the destination.. It's quite stupid that we gotta do something we dun really like(ie study), in order to have a career we like later.. And suddenly the thai movie Beautiful Boxer comes into my head.. Can draw some similarities eh.. This guy in the show actually goes winning boxing matches so that he can transform himself into a woman later.. Now look. Is there any link btwn boxing and transforming into a woman?!? It's more like contradictory.. But I guess that's the attraction of that movie.. Still, same goes for our education and the career we can take on later! No link.. Boooooo *thumbsdown*

But then, I will not feel at peace with myself if I don't try hard now.. I keep trying to keep the future I want in view.. Many of us probably can't see a too clear future path though.. But come to think of it, whoever follows through with our ambitions we had as a kid? I remember my very first ambition was to be a doctor.. And that was because of the tcs 8 drama back then, called "Medical Files" or something. Then I got hooked on the jdrama "Files of Young Kindaichi".. And I wanted to become a super sleuth. LolZ! Next I watched -another- jdrama called "Hero" where the hero in the show was a prosector.. And then I wanted to become a prosecutor lor! Ahaha.. I put a lot of thought into all my varying ambitions ok.. I was so certain I wanted to be a prosector then, always clarifying that it had to be prosecutor and not lawyer.. Coz a lawyer might end up helping the bad guys in court, whereas a prosecutor is always on the side of justice.. Hahaha.. Then now, do you see the common factor in all the above? I had always got hooked on some drama before I aspired to do whatever job.. Lolz.. And so, now we have the director wannabe.. Pretty interesting huh =) But I'm not even so clear abt that, I juz know that I want to have a part in producing great shows and some great accompanying music too.. Oh yeahh

That was quite fulfilling, to have written this post I mean.. But I think I wun blog any more, at least not for the upcoming few mths.. And yep, it's coz of the exam, I'm feeling very kan cheong so I'm juz gonna freeze my blog ok.. I think many a time, our inability to do well may be due to the psychological state.. Psychological barrier lo.. Prevents one from doing well.. And that, in my case, in pretty strong I think.. I get panicky.. I worry and fear.. But now I shall free my mind from all that.. I'll need to relax more and believe in myself, and juz go ahead with it.. Wish me luck.. A lot a lot of it XD This blog will see you again next time okays