/ 10:55 PM

My mum's condition isn't good.. But I guess I dun show that I'm affected.. Noone outside wld be able to tell sth like this is happening.. I am not even sure myself to what degree this affects me.. I'm the type that throws troubling thoughts to the back of my mind, and make the best of things.. But I'm not hiding any utterly depressed emotions.. How I act outside is really how I mean to be.. But I wonder very often why I still act normally despite her sickness, and the fact that things are not looking positive now.. My father even tells me to be prepared.. This is such a fucking serious matter, but I just go along with the flow.. And even at this point in time, there's no extra talk between us, bcos she doesn't have the strength.. No extra warmth either, and at the most I've held her hand, and those times I did it on instinct.. It's likely that no significant change is going to happen, and so it's all going to pass just like that? Something is wrong definitely.. I won't get to know abt her, she won't get to know abt me.. It'll seem like I never had a mother.. Lyvia Leong will want to keep trying to be happy and positive and all, but she will always know that something was wrong.. I don't hate her, I really wouldn't when I see her in pain.. I want to love her.. But the distance hasn't been closed.. There doesn't seem to be a high chance she and I can have a closely-knitted relationship in future whereby we can be each other's pillars of support.. I shall always lack that.. I'm not blogging abt this anymore, it shall be one of the very last times.. Juz wanna keep the future in view a bit.. Acknowledge this in my heart, but yet get myself to make do with it.. Lastly.. I wanna know.. Can I actually do anything differently from however I'm acting now? So other than just letting this pass like it doesn't mean anything, can it be made any different really...

write about yourself here like how you lived through a crisis like the morrocian crisis. erps, have you studied about that before and about your test, how easy it is and how much confidence you have to pass and get all A1s for all subjects, add in your own wish here, and what you would do if target is not reached, like slash your wrist, eat many many painkiller pills at one shot and die. lol it's suicidal thoughts. stay away from that. but you need to enter a reality, everyone's doing that- it's the trend, so why not follow it. unless you want to be an odd one out. cause slashing wrist is soo common in girls school not in boys school. boys suicide, just like die gracefully from 30th storey, just look on the bright side, maybe you have lived in a lie too long and so you have found out the turth now, just think. optimist wins. you have entered into a world of reality



We know life's hard, truth is hard, lies are hard, they are all hard to accept when they have been found out, and i'm rushing history homework on the Abyissian Crisis about Italy and Abyssia going into war and that the League Of Nations cannot stop this from happening, and beacuse they are formed by means to stop war and peace-keep the countries together, they have thus failed to achieve that. I think i tend to hold a class for history instead of telling you about me, i'm basically a what subject-realted lover (humanities) and thus I am more analytical and critical about things, and likes to study about dead people, haha. lol. it's history what can you expect and also geography, it amazes me. I really like it alot, so what have you? Again to find this answer you need to enter into your own reality and reflect




it's amazing. amzing how people change the way of things, like how I used to hate outdoors in Band felt it was a complete waste of time, i've acquired to like it more, i guess people change, their thereotical means and applications in life just goes on into a new direction, and see things in another perspective, i guess- it's all in the mind. It really amazes me how these comes into action, from someone so pessimistic has changed his own view of things, and thus my friend is scoring much better, being more optimisitc and not think of his old way of suicidal thoughts, which are pretty daunting. and thus we need to see things, in another light, another perspective and another new way, to enable us to open up our minds, and make more new things, the new way it is. done with the old back with the new

i've hiatus-ed.

/ 10:55 PM

My mum's condition isn't good.. But I guess I dun show that I'm affected.. Noone outside wld be able to tell sth like this is happening.. I am not even sure myself to what degree this affects me.. I'm the type that throws troubling thoughts to the back of my mind, and make the best of things.. But I'm not hiding any utterly depressed emotions.. How I act outside is really how I mean to be.. But I wonder very often why I still act normally despite her sickness, and the fact that things are not looking positive now.. My father even tells me to be prepared.. This is such a fucking serious matter, but I just go along with the flow.. And even at this point in time, there's no extra talk between us, bcos she doesn't have the strength.. No extra warmth either, and at the most I've held her hand, and those times I did it on instinct.. It's likely that no significant change is going to happen, and so it's all going to pass just like that? Something is wrong definitely.. I won't get to know abt her, she won't get to know abt me.. It'll seem like I never had a mother.. Lyvia Leong will want to keep trying to be happy and positive and all, but she will always know that something was wrong.. I don't hate her, I really wouldn't when I see her in pain.. I want to love her.. But the distance hasn't been closed.. There doesn't seem to be a high chance she and I can have a closely-knitted relationship in future whereby we can be each other's pillars of support.. I shall always lack that.. I'm not blogging abt this anymore, it shall be one of the very last times.. Juz wanna keep the future in view a bit.. Acknowledge this in my heart, but yet get myself to make do with it.. Lastly.. I wanna know.. Can I actually do anything differently from however I'm acting now? So other than just letting this pass like it doesn't mean anything, can it be made any different really...